she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Blood and glitter go together right?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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