She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
