can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
