I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
