no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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