can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
