He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
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Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
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You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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