wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
