I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
