you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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