he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My ass is underappreciated
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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