One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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