OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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