You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize