i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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