a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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