Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
