i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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