this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
