dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
