Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
