Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
