I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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