Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
