Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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