Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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