called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
