I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
