and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
