my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
