i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
