why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
