Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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