The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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