i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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