I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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