great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
