we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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