I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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