i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
