She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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