i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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