smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
