i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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