this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
birth control should be required to get into college
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you're hired as official boob wrangler
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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