party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
