When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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