North Korea, Best Korea!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
