you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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