I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
