Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
