I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
