so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize