So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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