last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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