no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
