I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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