I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
MIDGETS
????
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
